On1StormyNight, a BlueStarr shone down from the heavens, basking the ground in its glow.
From out of this light, the Tat2dGoddess appeared, beckoning to the InkdPrincess and instructing her to go forth and engage in an Atakoflife and get inked by the wedded Dragginphly.
From the grove of Aspen trees nearby, the LoopyLass of the village interupted the quiet scene by shouting "I want my ink tv!"
Her yell attracted the attention of the Ogre, who was lurking nearby. He picked up a Spyder and tossed it at her, saying "Quiet, girly. You get Undermyskin. Either that, or get nekkid and gimme some IcedMeatballs."
Just then, with a squeal of tires and a cloud of bluish smoke, a hopped-up street racer with AbnerVPS scrawled on the side, skidded to a stop. A bald head popped out of the window and slurred "SCheyladie...canya schpare a poor guy a drink? I'm schearchin' for da fountain of schmart!"
A female voice called out from the passenger seat, "What do you need with the fountain of smart? I'm an OldRWizRBiatch and I don't need no stinkin' fountain of smart! An' besides, *I'm* supposed to be driving WICKEDSVETTE!"
"Awww, but Huunipott," the bald-headed driver whined, "I know what a Rdwgfn you are, and I didn't want you to miss the game on the radio." "Well, aren't YOU just the Sundazed1," his passenger exclaimed. "I'll believe THAT WhenAngelsFall from the sky!"
"But WhistlinBelle, you know I'm a Kolector of all things rare and beautiful. I promise, when we find the fountain, I'll get you some Chardon692...I hear that was a good month for that vintage...and some...WOWskunk! Hold yer nose!" And with that yell, the bald-headed man slammed the car into gear, peeled out, and disappeared as fast as he had arrived.
No sooner had the car disappeared than a voice spoke up: "With driving like THAT, he'll soon be visiting the Rvrkings 44 feet below the surface...and probably as soon as he misses that bend in the road and drives over the cliff."
Everybody turned their heads, just in time to see the ChpwaLdy come striding across the meadow, holding a LILJADE abacus in her hand. "Now I'm pissed," she muttered. "That stupid fool made me lose count of my strawberries. I was on Strawberry7625 when he distracted me and I forgot to keep adding, while I picked. Now I have to do it all over again!" As she walked away, she could be heard muttering "I wonder what strawberries would taste like with Parmasan on them."
As Nessa walked away, the Goddess spoke: "I am displeased with you all. You have not been sufficiently inked. For punishment, you shall create and consume 1800 martinis!"
Ogre quickly grabbed a notepad and scribbled down the instructions, then repeated them aloud, "Margatini1800, check!"
The Goddess held her face in her hands and sighed. "No Ogre...MARTINI, not MARGATINI."
"Dat's wut I said," pouted the Ogre.
The Goddess just shook her head, then began issuing commandments.
"This is how it shall be done," she shouted. "Robbo514 martinis, SisDren39 martinis, Weebil28, SKWms1, Jessie072, AUBREE528, Hewovy1, DebMcB41, Carbachand1, Retromom64, KaileysMommy01...great...now I've lost count." She thought for a moment, then continued, "TAS8198 beers, JENN9695 shots of Bailey's, SYBIL3809 shots of rum...aw heck, this is taking too long. EVERYBODY JUST GET LOADED!"
And then she vanished.
"Where'd she go?" asked Ogre.
"I dunno," replied the Princess, "but I'll be Looking in OK for her."
"I tell ya," muttered Ogre, "sometimes she just comes off like a pissed-off spoiled brat...a real JadedPrimaDonna. Commanding this and demanding that..."
His rant was rapidly cut off, as the Goddess suddenly appeared in front of him, eyebrow arched in a look of challenge.
"You were saying, Ogre?"
"Ummm...yeah...umm...I wuz just doing the tally-sheet, Goddess"
"Oh, really?"
Ogre smiled his most charming smile (which fooled nobody) and waved around his notepad. "Bevie1968 boilermakers, MareknLyn 722 white wine coolers, Marie22ecw's {"Electric c**k warmers"...whiskey, dark rum, tequila & vodka...Ick...also referred to by a buddy of mine as a 'swamp f**ker'}, Inyanna1976 brown cows, MareknLyn 573 shots of whiskey with beer chasers..."
"Ogre."
"Hmmm? Yes'm?"
"Shut up."
"Okay."
And then the Goddess vanished again.
Eric came sauntering over and slapped Ogre on the back. "Damnboy. ThatthereGoddessisonehelluvaBellaDreamWeaverman.
Arealgoodlookinggetitupandkeepitupkindachick."
Ogre turned and looked at Eric.
"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
"What in the heck was THAT supposed to mean?"
Then Ogre rapidly held up his hand, before Eric could reply.
"On second thought...don't tell me...I don't think I wanna know."
Eric was just on the verge of speaking again, when Nikki came walking out from behind some bushes. "Goddess didn't look to happy with you, Ogre," she said.
Eric piped up "Youain'tjustwhistlingDixyGirl.
Hey,whatwereyoudoingbehindthosebushesanyway? LookingforGingerroot?" and then burst out laughing at his own humour (which nobody else understood, because they couldn't understand a word he was saying anyway).
Just as Ogre was about to smack Eric and tell him to talk like a normal human being, the sound of the song "Kung-Fu fighting" came pouring through the meadow as Jared showed up with a giant boom-box balanced on his shoulder, Dayna by his side (pestering him to play some Duran Duran) and Shannie groping everybody she could lay her hands on.

And it just went downhill from there.



THE END


(with apologies to Spyder, Jared, Dayna, Ginger, Shannie and Aspen for not being able to get their screen names in here and to anybody else whom I may have inadvertently missed)